The Bully Next Door

A few days ago, like any other normal day, I picked up The Boys after school along with our new friend Sam and his friend (or so we thought), Peter.

They all piled into the car, tossing backpacks and giggling, still in conversation about the day's events.

Lot's of "Dude!" and "Seriously!" followed by more laughter, my favorite sound...

Sam has become part of our family as have several of the Boys' friends over the years.

Every once in awhile a kid comes over to play and it all just clicks. They feel comfortable, we feel comfortable, and their energy is fun and easy to have around.

This, uplifting feeling is cozy and good. To be able to identify this has served us well as a sort of guide for the circles we want to be a part of in life.

In contrast, kids have come and quickly gone that have not "clicked". The feeling or energy was identified as "low" or just not comfortable. These experiences have held their own value as does everything in life if we choose to view it that way.

Sam is funny, brilliant, and simply makes the room light up. It is a joy to be in his company.

In the car that day, Sam was in the middle of the back seat with Peter to his right. Soon Peter began to sort of wrestle and push with Sam while everyone was laughing. I watched in the rear view mirror as Sam laughed too, but was expressing he wanted it to stop. Sam started to push back and before I could realize what was happening I watched in horror as Peter smacked Sam in the face as hard as he could.

I, being in the middle of traffic, expressed a loud, "Whoa!!"

The kids we're dead silent and I watched Sam fight back the tears.

Something was terribly wrong.

Peter sort of apologized to Sam as we dropped him off, but something still didn't feel right.

We finally got home and I invited Sam to sit with me away from everyone. He silently walked with me and the tears became sobs. Sam confided that this wasn't the first time this had happened. In fact, this behavior had been going on for years.

Sam was being bullied.

Abused.

Buttons were pushed ... both Personal and Mommy...

I sat with Sam as the sobbing began to subside. His breath became normal and was feeling lighter. My mind searched for solutions...

He shared that, yes his parents know and over the years there have been conversations....

As a parent/Momma Bear one wants to simply "handle it" ... yet this is not a long term answer in my opinion.

The change happens when healing and inner strength are gained.

When and internal "NO!" is shouted.

So Sam and I discussed how wonderful he is...

That he is so much fun to be around...

How deserving he is to be treated well... and that anything less is simply not expectable.

Therefore, Peter would not be welcome in Sam's space for awhile, if ever.

I shared with Sam that it's alright to say no. To not "please". Personal boundaries are a healthy, good, and important thing to take ownership of.

So Sam began to learn a new language and my prayer is that a turn was taken in his journey towards self love.

In the mean time, we've made arrangements.

Peter, in step with classic Abuser behavior, expected to jump in the car as if nothing had happened... he was shocked when I said, "Nope, sorry dude..." and he stomped off without the slightest, remote expression of respect.

Sam's eyes were bright and he smiled when our eyes met in the rear view mirror.

Law of Attraction for Teens

Last February, happily ever after started. For me, that is. My dream came true. The love of my life asked me to live with him and my heart sang! For Ethan and Owen however, not so much...

For the Boys, it felt like the bottom was falling out of their lives. Their friends! Every thing they had known for the past 7 years was about to fall away.

We had spent quality time day dreaming and visualizing about all the possibilities of a bigger city. Both Boys are amazing musicians. Owen took to the drums like a fish to water with only one lessen. Ethan spends all his time playing bass and guitar, playing by ear his favorite songs, They are talented. The small town we lived in was limiting and frankly frustrating for them as they have always seen themselves going all the way.

I have always had a dream board in progress. A place for photos or words to resemble the things we, I wanted to create in our life. " Freedom", Abundance", "Love", "Happiness", a photo of a couple holding hands...

For the Boys, a photo of a stage, pictures of the guitars the want...

So the opportunity to arose, the door opened for them, for us. We moved the place where it could all happen.

And they freaked... Both Boys had to go to new schools, apart because Owen was still in Jr High and Ethan in High School as a freshman, Freshman year is hard enough with being the new kid...

Depression set in as they missed out old life. Day and weeks went by and still Ethan had no friends. Owen did but it was still hard. The temptation was great to give up, to move to the even smaller town where their Father lived where the grass seemed greener. To run away from the hard stuff.

It took everything I had, as, This was my nightmare. With tears flowing and a breaking heart, we worked it out... We looed at it from all angles, the pro and the cons. W talked about feelings and what was really making them sad. Soon it began to make sense to them... That to Run, and not conquer their fears and give up was not an option, not for my boys!

So I got out the dream board materials. We made "The list" A list like the one I had made with the qualities I wanted in a partner. On my list was things like, " Romantic", "Fun" "Honest", "Loves My Dog!" Dave is all that and more~

So, "The List" for the Boys would be specific to the qualities they wanted in the new friends they would attract.

Fun

funny

Instant connection

I can be myself

loves music

comfortable

honest

"Clean", meaning does not use drugs!

And we spent time visualizing what some good times would feel like. Every night before falling asleep, they would think about that until they could feel it and then drift off.

Soon, it began to happen. The friends started showing up. Good kids, with great values and the laughter returned.

Now, as I write this they are enjoying band practice again in the garage. They with their friend, Will are jamming like they used to in our old life only so much better, so much more.

I can see the joy in their eyes as they see their own power, Their own magic to create a life of their choosing. A life with no limits!

Letters to Heaven

"Your gone Mom?..." I said out loud as I waited for the light to turn green. I had received the call that I feared my entire life. My Mom had died.

What now? How do I move forward? I'll never be able to hear her comforting voice on the phone again...

Yet, I had been preparing for this. God had given me all the tools...

Breathe

Breathe deeper

Feel your feelings, let the waves come in ...

Allow the tears to flow

Except the truth

Know that all is well and as it should be

The Kids... How to help them deal with their feelings~

Family disfunction made a funeral service impossible and added to the deep sadness, as I now, had lost my only siblings to the darkness of alcoholism and greed.

Again, love... love in my children's eyes, gave me strength and clarity. The past, my childhood, did not matter any more. No longer could I allow the Present Moment Miracle of my children, be taken away by the pain of what was.

"Be" ... Breathe... Be here right now! For this moment is what matters most.

So, we talked, the Boys and I. We wondered about things, we remised about our memories of Gramma while looking at pictures. I asked them lot's of questions in the moments when they seemed confused. Soon an answer came.

Letters to Heaven.

Let's write Gramma a letter and send it to Heaven!

They loved the idea!

So immediately we got out out all the art supplies we had and then went to our corners of our happy, sacred, home and expressed our hearts.

When we all seemed to be done we hiked to our favorite place in the park.

We settled into it by sitting together. We held hands, hugged, cried... finally, the Boys we able to cry.

Lord knows they had witnessed my tears. Maybe they were trying to be strong for me? I don't know, but I worried that they hadn't shown any emotions yet.

So we prayed together. We talked to God, We talked to Gramma and we let out our grief. I don't know how long we sat there, but the sun was beginning to set and it was beautiful, just like the love we felt. Soon it was time to tie our notes to Gramma onto our balloons and say goodbye. We watched through our tears as the balloons sailed away, hold hands, each other, letting go...

Suddenly I felt closer to My Mom then I ever had before.

"Gramma is with us, I can feel her", I shared with the Boys.

They smiled and blew their noses. "I do too", they each said.

We drove to the ice cream shop and continued chatting about good memories of Gramma over our favorite flavors and toppings.

"All is well and as it should be"

Breathe...

My Life Line...

"Say thank you, until you mean it.

Thank God, life, and the universe for everyone and everything sent your way.

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have in enough, and more. it turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion to clarity. it can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. it turns problems into gifts, failures into successes, the unexpected into perfect timing, and mistakes into important events. it can turn an existence into a real life, and disconnected situations into important and beneficial lessons. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.

Gratitude makes things right.

Gratitude turns negative energy into positive energy. There is no situation or circumstance so small or large that it is not susceptible to gratitude's power. We can start with who we are and what we have today, apply gratitude, then let it work its magic.

Say thank you, until you mean it. if you say it long enough, you will believe it."

-Melody Beattie

This book has given me sanity and clarity in the dark moments of codependent chaos-

times when the ability to reason had simple left the building...

I sit, ask for help... attempt to breath... and just open this book. Every, single time, the message is perfect~ as if straight from God.

Love & Light to you,

Linda

Awaken

For the love of my Boys...

I found the strength to break out of the mold

That cozy, familiar pain of what always was...

When sweet, 5 year old Owen asked me one day, "Mommy, why do you cry all the time?"

I woke up.

I opened my eyes for the first time and began my journey out of the darkness.

Strength and clarity came in waves as I set out to create a world that could provide my children with a new path to duplicate.

A new tradition of peaceful, consistent, unconditional love was born. Together, in our new little apartment we had a happy home for the first time.

We set rules:

* We use our words (never our hands)

* Never say "Shut Up"

* Be respectful

*Treat others the way you would like to be treated

*Share how you feel

*Listen without interrupting

*Say your sorry from your heart

*Say I love you

*Look for ways to make each-other feel great

Day by day we felt better and soon we were having plain old Fun!

I get the pleasure of reading about their memories here and there. As school assignments arise, they write about those days and it's wonderful to see from their perspective the fun! Gratitude fills my heart as I realize, We did it, mission accomplished, a healthy home we have indeed.

Meet Othan...

Sigh...

Here is one of my most recent favorite pictures of "Othan"

a name which popped out during one of those overwhelmed, Mom moments...

In a frazzled attempt to discipline either Ethan or Owen (I can't remember...) I splurred, "Othan!" everyone gasped and then laughed hysterically. It's been with us ever since, both the name and the laughter.