Letters to Heaven

"Your gone Mom?..." I said out loud as I waited for the light to turn green. I had received the call that I feared my entire life. My Mom had died.

What now? How do I move forward? I'll never be able to hear her comforting voice on the phone again...

Yet, I had been preparing for this. God had given me all the tools...

Breathe

Breathe deeper

Feel your feelings, let the waves come in ...

Allow the tears to flow

Except the truth

Know that all is well and as it should be

The Kids... How to help them deal with their feelings~

Family disfunction made a funeral service impossible and added to the deep sadness, as I now, had lost my only siblings to the darkness of alcoholism and greed.

Again, love... love in my children's eyes, gave me strength and clarity. The past, my childhood, did not matter any more. No longer could I allow the Present Moment Miracle of my children, be taken away by the pain of what was.

"Be" ... Breathe... Be here right now! For this moment is what matters most.

So, we talked, the Boys and I. We wondered about things, we remised about our memories of Gramma while looking at pictures. I asked them lot's of questions in the moments when they seemed confused. Soon an answer came.

Letters to Heaven.

Let's write Gramma a letter and send it to Heaven!

They loved the idea!

So immediately we got out out all the art supplies we had and then went to our corners of our happy, sacred, home and expressed our hearts.

When we all seemed to be done we hiked to our favorite place in the park.

We settled into it by sitting together. We held hands, hugged, cried... finally, the Boys we able to cry.

Lord knows they had witnessed my tears. Maybe they were trying to be strong for me? I don't know, but I worried that they hadn't shown any emotions yet.

So we prayed together. We talked to God, We talked to Gramma and we let out our grief. I don't know how long we sat there, but the sun was beginning to set and it was beautiful, just like the love we felt. Soon it was time to tie our notes to Gramma onto our balloons and say goodbye. We watched through our tears as the balloons sailed away, hold hands, each other, letting go...

Suddenly I felt closer to My Mom then I ever had before.

"Gramma is with us, I can feel her", I shared with the Boys.

They smiled and blew their noses. "I do too", they each said.

We drove to the ice cream shop and continued chatting about good memories of Gramma over our favorite flavors and toppings.

"All is well and as it should be"

Breathe...

My Life Line...

"Say thank you, until you mean it.

Thank God, life, and the universe for everyone and everything sent your way.

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have in enough, and more. it turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion to clarity. it can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. it turns problems into gifts, failures into successes, the unexpected into perfect timing, and mistakes into important events. it can turn an existence into a real life, and disconnected situations into important and beneficial lessons. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.

Gratitude makes things right.

Gratitude turns negative energy into positive energy. There is no situation or circumstance so small or large that it is not susceptible to gratitude's power. We can start with who we are and what we have today, apply gratitude, then let it work its magic.

Say thank you, until you mean it. if you say it long enough, you will believe it."

-Melody Beattie

This book has given me sanity and clarity in the dark moments of codependent chaos-

times when the ability to reason had simple left the building...

I sit, ask for help... attempt to breath... and just open this book. Every, single time, the message is perfect~ as if straight from God.

Love & Light to you,

Linda

Awaken

For the love of my Boys...

I found the strength to break out of the mold

That cozy, familiar pain of what always was...

When sweet, 5 year old Owen asked me one day, "Mommy, why do you cry all the time?"

I woke up.

I opened my eyes for the first time and began my journey out of the darkness.

Strength and clarity came in waves as I set out to create a world that could provide my children with a new path to duplicate.

A new tradition of peaceful, consistent, unconditional love was born. Together, in our new little apartment we had a happy home for the first time.

We set rules:

* We use our words (never our hands)

* Never say "Shut Up"

* Be respectful

*Treat others the way you would like to be treated

*Share how you feel

*Listen without interrupting

*Say your sorry from your heart

*Say I love you

*Look for ways to make each-other feel great

Day by day we felt better and soon we were having plain old Fun!

I get the pleasure of reading about their memories here and there. As school assignments arise, they write about those days and it's wonderful to see from their perspective the fun! Gratitude fills my heart as I realize, We did it, mission accomplished, a healthy home we have indeed.

Meet Othan...

Sigh...

Here is one of my most recent favorite pictures of "Othan"

a name which popped out during one of those overwhelmed, Mom moments...

In a frazzled attempt to discipline either Ethan or Owen (I can't remember...) I splurred, "Othan!" everyone gasped and then laughed hysterically. It's been with us ever since, both the name and the laughter.