The Bully Next Door

A few days ago, like any other normal day, I picked up The Boys after school along with our new friend Sam and his friend (or so we thought), Peter.

They all piled into the car, tossing backpacks and giggling, still in conversation about the day's events.

Lot's of "Dude!" and "Seriously!" followed by more laughter, my favorite sound...

Sam has become part of our family as have several of the Boys' friends over the years.

Every once in awhile a kid comes over to play and it all just clicks. They feel comfortable, we feel comfortable, and their energy is fun and easy to have around.

This, uplifting feeling is cozy and good. To be able to identify this has served us well as a sort of guide for the circles we want to be a part of in life.

In contrast, kids have come and quickly gone that have not "clicked". The feeling or energy was identified as "low" or just not comfortable. These experiences have held their own value as does everything in life if we choose to view it that way.

Sam is funny, brilliant, and simply makes the room light up. It is a joy to be in his company.

In the car that day, Sam was in the middle of the back seat with Peter to his right. Soon Peter began to sort of wrestle and push with Sam while everyone was laughing. I watched in the rear view mirror as Sam laughed too, but was expressing he wanted it to stop. Sam started to push back and before I could realize what was happening I watched in horror as Peter smacked Sam in the face as hard as he could.

I, being in the middle of traffic, expressed a loud, "Whoa!!"

The kids we're dead silent and I watched Sam fight back the tears.

Something was terribly wrong.

Peter sort of apologized to Sam as we dropped him off, but something still didn't feel right.

We finally got home and I invited Sam to sit with me away from everyone. He silently walked with me and the tears became sobs. Sam confided that this wasn't the first time this had happened. In fact, this behavior had been going on for years.

Sam was being bullied.

Abused.

Buttons were pushed ... both Personal and Mommy...

I sat with Sam as the sobbing began to subside. His breath became normal and was feeling lighter. My mind searched for solutions...

He shared that, yes his parents know and over the years there have been conversations....

As a parent/Momma Bear one wants to simply "handle it" ... yet this is not a long term answer in my opinion.

The change happens when healing and inner strength are gained.

When and internal "NO!" is shouted.

So Sam and I discussed how wonderful he is...

That he is so much fun to be around...

How deserving he is to be treated well... and that anything less is simply not expectable.

Therefore, Peter would not be welcome in Sam's space for awhile, if ever.

I shared with Sam that it's alright to say no. To not "please". Personal boundaries are a healthy, good, and important thing to take ownership of.

So Sam began to learn a new language and my prayer is that a turn was taken in his journey towards self love.

In the mean time, we've made arrangements.

Peter, in step with classic Abuser behavior, expected to jump in the car as if nothing had happened... he was shocked when I said, "Nope, sorry dude..." and he stomped off without the slightest, remote expression of respect.

Sam's eyes were bright and he smiled when our eyes met in the rear view mirror.

Law of Attraction for Teens

Last February, happily ever after started. For me, that is. My dream came true. The love of my life asked me to live with him and my heart sang! For Ethan and Owen however, not so much...

For the Boys, it felt like the bottom was falling out of their lives. Their friends! Every thing they had known for the past 7 years was about to fall away.

We had spent quality time day dreaming and visualizing about all the possibilities of a bigger city. Both Boys are amazing musicians. Owen took to the drums like a fish to water with only one lessen. Ethan spends all his time playing bass and guitar, playing by ear his favorite songs, They are talented. The small town we lived in was limiting and frankly frustrating for them as they have always seen themselves going all the way.

I have always had a dream board in progress. A place for photos or words to resemble the things we, I wanted to create in our life. " Freedom", Abundance", "Love", "Happiness", a photo of a couple holding hands...

For the Boys, a photo of a stage, pictures of the guitars the want...

So the opportunity to arose, the door opened for them, for us. We moved the place where it could all happen.

And they freaked... Both Boys had to go to new schools, apart because Owen was still in Jr High and Ethan in High School as a freshman, Freshman year is hard enough with being the new kid...

Depression set in as they missed out old life. Day and weeks went by and still Ethan had no friends. Owen did but it was still hard. The temptation was great to give up, to move to the even smaller town where their Father lived where the grass seemed greener. To run away from the hard stuff.

It took everything I had, as, This was my nightmare. With tears flowing and a breaking heart, we worked it out... We looed at it from all angles, the pro and the cons. W talked about feelings and what was really making them sad. Soon it began to make sense to them... That to Run, and not conquer their fears and give up was not an option, not for my boys!

So I got out the dream board materials. We made "The list" A list like the one I had made with the qualities I wanted in a partner. On my list was things like, " Romantic", "Fun" "Honest", "Loves My Dog!" Dave is all that and more~

So, "The List" for the Boys would be specific to the qualities they wanted in the new friends they would attract.

Fun

funny

Instant connection

I can be myself

loves music

comfortable

honest

"Clean", meaning does not use drugs!

And we spent time visualizing what some good times would feel like. Every night before falling asleep, they would think about that until they could feel it and then drift off.

Soon, it began to happen. The friends started showing up. Good kids, with great values and the laughter returned.

Now, as I write this they are enjoying band practice again in the garage. They with their friend, Will are jamming like they used to in our old life only so much better, so much more.

I can see the joy in their eyes as they see their own power, Their own magic to create a life of their choosing. A life with no limits!